Oh my brothers, this is the point of junction, of those who think and of those who suffer; this barricade is not made of paving-stones, nor of joists, nor of bits of iron; it is made of two heaps, a heap of ideas, and a heap of woes. Here misery meets the ideal. The day embraces the night and says to it: "I am about to die, and thou shalt be born again with me." From the embrace of all desolations faith leaps forth. Sufferings bring hither their agony and ideas their immortality. This agony and this immortality are about to join and constitute our death. Brothers, he who dies here dies in the radiance of the future, and we are entering a tomb all flooded with the dawn.Les Misérables. Victor Hugo.
Not even hindsight is 20/20 right now.
I worry about a lot of things. It's easy for me to believe that everything happens the way it's supposed to for other people, but when it comes to my own life I'm plagued by all the little what-ifs. Did I make the right choice taking time off after grad school? The free time I thought I'd have without classes has turned into a string of endless, numbered days. Work leaves me too exhausted and drained to make much of my evening hours, especially after cooking dinner, cleaning, and preparing for the next day. It's somehow duller, lonelier, and more leeching than the schoolwork that sent me looking for a break in the first place. Should I have studied music in grad school or even gone to grad school straight out of college at all? As hard as I worked for the degree, it does little for me other than acting as a stepping stone if I ever go back for a doctorate. Maybe another major or an internship or an entry-level job would have been a better post-college choice? It...
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